You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
third nipple confirmed
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
