So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
