Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
COCAINE IS GR8
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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