this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
