We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
a search helicopter?!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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