remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am mentally ready for anal.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
