Don't make out with my wife yet
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
