he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
