I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
