So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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