After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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