I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
