Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize