When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
