Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
