u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
