Just mADE A PArabola og urine
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize