My room smells like vodka and shame
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
