Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
