You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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