I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
