just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
