Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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