why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
