then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
