theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize