Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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