Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
