what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
