Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize