it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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