Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
