Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
