just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
