You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
