Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
