i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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