I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
