You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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