sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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