I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
