He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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