I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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