Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
