my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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