Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
