As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
