No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
