Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize