Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
