im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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