This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
