Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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