Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
