somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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