the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
