I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
