All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Drunk is not a location!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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