Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
