I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
