Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
