Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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