he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is it because I queefed?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
