I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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