i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
