I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
