I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Say something about gay babies.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
