she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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