He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
