Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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