Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
