come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
