What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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