i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
