Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize