chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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