I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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