i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
