i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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