and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
