I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
