if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
home. puking in laundry basket.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
