ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
