so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
