I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
