going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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