plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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