but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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