He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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