After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
