Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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