Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
3 2 1 whiskey
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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