I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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