it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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