you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize