omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
