you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
