so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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