So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
