before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
