I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize