Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
